Facing South
I'm moving into a room that faces south. I just moved the rest of my stuff tonight. In this new room, the blinds are always open. I woke up this morning and saw the sunrise. I think it was the first sunrise I've seen in a whole year. It peeked over the trees which dot the horizon, over the edges of the other dorms and, as if someone spilt pink lemonade, stained the snow the softest pink I've ever seen. And so I just layed in bed and watched the wind play with the snow, tossing it into translucent sparkly balls that rolled over the landscape, crashed into eachother and disappeared.
One of my friends came over today. It was the first time she had seen my new room, and she (just like I) loved the sunshine. It's almost always sunny in here: I get sun from sunrise to sunset. Perfect. We sprawled out on the beds and talked about religion and philosophy. It's funny how people can be thinking about the same issues without even discussing it. It appears that I am not the only one who is searching for something to hold on to. So much has happened that I can't possibly go back to my atheist college tendencies. And to be honest, that was never really me anyway. We talked about Christianity, I told her about my Amish Neighbors and the man they strive to emulate with their passive nonresistance to violence. I told her the beautiful story of Dirk Willems, one of many Anabaptist martyrs who, in the winter of 1569, was captured by spanish inquisitors. They locked him in a palace used as a makeshift prison, and he lowered himself from a window with a rope of rags. He fled over the frozen landscape, pursued by palace guards, and when he came to a pond, he slid across a thin layer of ice. Then behind him he heard a splash and the cry of a palace guard, who had fallen through. Dirk Willems turned back and rescued the guard, who then arrested him and took him back to the palace. (www.phillymag.com) He was burnt at the stake the next day.
I've been having really strange dreams about spirituality and religion, perhaps a result of my constant thinking about it. I told my friend, about the strange dream I had over break, after reading this intense book about Desert Dwellers in Christianity, who sell all their belongings and retire to the desert for years and years to gain solitude and eventually undying compassion for others. I dreamt I was a spiritual worker (perhaps a priest), and I was listening to this little girl. And she was really scared about dying and being unsure about her spirituality. And halfway through her explanation, I realized that I was talking to myself: I was, in fact, the little girl and the priest. And I (the priest) told her something along the lines of "It doesn't matter if you believe or not, in solitude you will find compassion- love your brothers and sisters. It doesn't matter if god does or does not exist. Live as you will and you'll find solace in your heart. Remember, Jesus Christ is your brother, we are all children of god. You can be him too." And then I woke up. It was a strange dream for two reasons. 1: I haven't really identified with christianity since freshman year of college, and 2. because it was exactly what I needed to hear. I guess I always knew the answers, I was just too afraid to ask myself for them.
I've been trying this thing where I am positive for 12 hours. Not positive as in "avoiding negative thoughts." because that's just fake and I think it's impossible, really. I mean positive in that I've been trying to be aware of all my negative thoughts, about myself, about those around me. I acknowledge them and then just let them go. Positive meaning not dwelling in negativity. It's been working pretty well so far, I feel better about everything now. Hopefully it will have a good physical effect as well. I guess we'll see about that.
It was really cool to sit there and really take a day for ourselves, to discuss our skepticism about certain religions, our love for others. It's nice to know that other people actually do think about this stuff, even if they are afraid of talking about it. I don't have classes tomorrow, and I would really do anything to just stay in bed and watch the sun and the wind play with the snow. I'd do that for the rest of my life if i could.
One of my friends came over today. It was the first time she had seen my new room, and she (just like I) loved the sunshine. It's almost always sunny in here: I get sun from sunrise to sunset. Perfect. We sprawled out on the beds and talked about religion and philosophy. It's funny how people can be thinking about the same issues without even discussing it. It appears that I am not the only one who is searching for something to hold on to. So much has happened that I can't possibly go back to my atheist college tendencies. And to be honest, that was never really me anyway. We talked about Christianity, I told her about my Amish Neighbors and the man they strive to emulate with their passive nonresistance to violence. I told her the beautiful story of Dirk Willems, one of many Anabaptist martyrs who, in the winter of 1569, was captured by spanish inquisitors. They locked him in a palace used as a makeshift prison, and he lowered himself from a window with a rope of rags. He fled over the frozen landscape, pursued by palace guards, and when he came to a pond, he slid across a thin layer of ice. Then behind him he heard a splash and the cry of a palace guard, who had fallen through. Dirk Willems turned back and rescued the guard, who then arrested him and took him back to the palace. (www.phillymag.com) He was burnt at the stake the next day.
I've been having really strange dreams about spirituality and religion, perhaps a result of my constant thinking about it. I told my friend, about the strange dream I had over break, after reading this intense book about Desert Dwellers in Christianity, who sell all their belongings and retire to the desert for years and years to gain solitude and eventually undying compassion for others. I dreamt I was a spiritual worker (perhaps a priest), and I was listening to this little girl. And she was really scared about dying and being unsure about her spirituality. And halfway through her explanation, I realized that I was talking to myself: I was, in fact, the little girl and the priest. And I (the priest) told her something along the lines of "It doesn't matter if you believe or not, in solitude you will find compassion- love your brothers and sisters. It doesn't matter if god does or does not exist. Live as you will and you'll find solace in your heart. Remember, Jesus Christ is your brother, we are all children of god. You can be him too." And then I woke up. It was a strange dream for two reasons. 1: I haven't really identified with christianity since freshman year of college, and 2. because it was exactly what I needed to hear. I guess I always knew the answers, I was just too afraid to ask myself for them.
I've been trying this thing where I am positive for 12 hours. Not positive as in "avoiding negative thoughts." because that's just fake and I think it's impossible, really. I mean positive in that I've been trying to be aware of all my negative thoughts, about myself, about those around me. I acknowledge them and then just let them go. Positive meaning not dwelling in negativity. It's been working pretty well so far, I feel better about everything now. Hopefully it will have a good physical effect as well. I guess we'll see about that.
It was really cool to sit there and really take a day for ourselves, to discuss our skepticism about certain religions, our love for others. It's nice to know that other people actually do think about this stuff, even if they are afraid of talking about it. I don't have classes tomorrow, and I would really do anything to just stay in bed and watch the sun and the wind play with the snow. I'd do that for the rest of my life if i could.
posted by Jessica @ 2:54 PM
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