The moon cannot be stolen

Ryokan, a Zen master, lived the simplest kind of life in a little hut at the foot of a mountain. One evening a thief visited the hut only to discover there was nothing to steal.

Ryokan returned and caught him. "You have come a long way to visit me," he told the prowler, "and you should not return empty-handed. Please take my clothes as a gift."

The thief was bewildered. He took the clothes and slunk away.

Ryoken sat naked, watching the moon. "Poor fellow," he mused, "I wish I could have given him this beautiful moon."
***
A weakness of mine has been exposed. Ever since I was little, even when I am terrified, heartbroken or furious; I smile.
When I was little and fought with my brother, who would chase me around the house with a wooden spoon and scream, I'd stop and laugh. I'd laugh at him, even though I was scared of him. When my father and I argue, to the point of him threatening to cut me off financially, I smile. I get so angry that I smile. I don't know why this happens. It is as if in that moment I transcend the situation to see how funny emotion is, how it makes us act so irrationally, and how silly it is that I feel so negatively.
Even if I hate you with every particle of my body, even if you disgust me, I will smile. I will laugh. Because I don't know what else to do.