Shining armor and all
I know I often complain about ridiculous situations I get myself into, and most often these complaints are broadcast to pretty much everyone via my poetry. But it never ceases to amaze me how people (mainly guys) always think they are the exception. Just as an example, I've had so many people approach me about "finding my nice guy" who I referenced in two of my pieces. The comment usually goes something like "Did your nice guy call you yet?" and I smile and say "No he didn't" and then he says "well here I am." And as cute as it is, I just hope to god they aren't serious. It's happened at least 10 times now. How could he possibly be serious? Because if he *was* infact that nice guy, he would need to know me before assuming he's what I'm looking for, and I'm what he's looking for. I mean, it seems like this nice guy quest has only called everyone else out of the woodwork, nice guys or not. I'm not saying they aren't nice, most of them are pretty great, but honestly it's just not working for me anymore. And then I get the nice guys who try too hard to be the nice guy I'm looking for (down to quoting john cusack!), and then it's just awkward and sad and I don't know what to do about it. Solution? Kill off the nice guy character. He's got to go. Then again, it's probably too late for that anyway...
The truth is, the nice guy doesn't exist. It's an imaginary scenario that I created to get people thinking about the way they act- both men and women: are certain guys so slick that they don't even realize we see right through their game? And why do girls always go for the blatant asshole types? These are important questions to ask ourselves because no one is exempt. I always go for the assholes. It's like this mommy complex where I think if I take care of them, they'll change. But man, at least I know that about myself and am trying to change it. But by fronting as a nice guy, you're not being a nice guy-- you're being slick. And what do they expect? That my eyes will be open and all the sudden god's hands will come through the sky and push us together and angels will sing? Do they think I'll have sex with them then and there because they say they're the nice guy I've been waiting for? It's not gonna happen because clearly they don't know me. They know a part of me, a performer part of me where I'm confident and funny and cocky and kind of a bitch. And they like that part of me. But there's this whole complicated other side of me which, yeah sure it seems kind of romantic and whatever- the tormented poet/activist blah blah blah- but it's not. I'm kind of a pain in the ass, and I know that. And I know that not many people can handle my moodiness, sensitivity and quirkiness. And furthermore, I don't shave my legs often. That cuts out at least half of those "nice guys" because god knows if she doesn't shave her legs she's a dirty radical hippy feminist (or, you know, just lazy...).
Anyway, I guess I'm just kind of disappointed. There's this sentiment that I can sense where people feel like they need to rescue me. I've always gotten that feeling from people, perhaps because I'm so much smaller than everyone else, but men always feel like they need to rescue me and protect me and slay the fucking dragon for me. And while some chivalry is nice, I'm stronger than I look and I've dealt with things that I pray no one else has to deal with at this age, man or woman. I've been faced with the prospect of death twice already in my life, so I'm aware that I'm fragile, but I'm also aware that you are too. I've got so many walls up, it would have to take a grenade to hurt me deeply. I don't need a knight in shining armor, I need a guy who is as complicated and twisted as me, who can handle my neuroses and I can handle his. And I know guys like that exist. I know a few of them.
The truth is, the nice guy doesn't exist. It's an imaginary scenario that I created to get people thinking about the way they act- both men and women: are certain guys so slick that they don't even realize we see right through their game? And why do girls always go for the blatant asshole types? These are important questions to ask ourselves because no one is exempt. I always go for the assholes. It's like this mommy complex where I think if I take care of them, they'll change. But man, at least I know that about myself and am trying to change it. But by fronting as a nice guy, you're not being a nice guy-- you're being slick. And what do they expect? That my eyes will be open and all the sudden god's hands will come through the sky and push us together and angels will sing? Do they think I'll have sex with them then and there because they say they're the nice guy I've been waiting for? It's not gonna happen because clearly they don't know me. They know a part of me, a performer part of me where I'm confident and funny and cocky and kind of a bitch. And they like that part of me. But there's this whole complicated other side of me which, yeah sure it seems kind of romantic and whatever- the tormented poet/activist blah blah blah- but it's not. I'm kind of a pain in the ass, and I know that. And I know that not many people can handle my moodiness, sensitivity and quirkiness. And furthermore, I don't shave my legs often. That cuts out at least half of those "nice guys" because god knows if she doesn't shave her legs she's a dirty radical hippy feminist (or, you know, just lazy...).
Anyway, I guess I'm just kind of disappointed. There's this sentiment that I can sense where people feel like they need to rescue me. I've always gotten that feeling from people, perhaps because I'm so much smaller than everyone else, but men always feel like they need to rescue me and protect me and slay the fucking dragon for me. And while some chivalry is nice, I'm stronger than I look and I've dealt with things that I pray no one else has to deal with at this age, man or woman. I've been faced with the prospect of death twice already in my life, so I'm aware that I'm fragile, but I'm also aware that you are too. I've got so many walls up, it would have to take a grenade to hurt me deeply. I don't need a knight in shining armor, I need a guy who is as complicated and twisted as me, who can handle my neuroses and I can handle his. And I know guys like that exist. I know a few of them.
posted by Jessica @ 10:02 AM
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