spokenword additions

A new classic? Probably not, but I still think its funny:

"Freshman boy poem"

Ladies and Gentlemen
I have a confession
my new thing is
a slight obsession
with those adorable boyse
whom we call freshmen

I know I know
I said the curve theory had to go
But i've reconsidered my decision
please ehar out my revision
because i think they're so darn cute
in that creepy
I want to use you as a teddybear way

Digressions digressions
I want me a freshman
Intead of giving that freshman girl tart
a jaded senior girl glare
I'll go up to that poor shmo
who thought eh actually stood a chance
to win out over the senior econ major
with embroidered whales on his pants
And steal him away
"But we met on AA!"
he will say

I just can't resist
the awkward conversations
and the typical
"so you're a senior.....
... what's your thesis?"

Man, nothing turns me on more
than a poor freshman pledge
puking on my floor

I love how they go home
so their mom can do their wash
and how they pop their collars
because they still think it's posh

And how they'll take me on a date to the diner
because they don't ahve cars
and I love how they suggest innocent corny things
like going to minor field to watch the stars

I know the freshman boys are tough
because they take a lot of flack
consider this a calling to senior girls
maybe we should cut them some slack

We've all been there:
senior boys think they're so wise
and junior boys don't look us in our eyes
(helllooo? I'm up here!)
Sophmmore boys, well, been there, done that
but freshman boys, man
I got your back.
**
"A spoken word poem that (gasp) is poetic and (gasp) is meant to be spoken (softly with hands in your pockets and eyes to the floor)"

He came to me well dressed that day
seeming as if he had something important to say
Poster child for
Brooks brothers catalogue
but He was missing a button
an empty space second from the bottom
tucked into a black belt that matched his shoes
hoping I wouldn't notice

He tried to sell me
But I knew He had nothing real to say
I tried to push Him away
Him and His imperfections
Imposter! Liar! Bastard!
Who do you think you are?
You think you can fool me?
I wanted to say
and I let Him get away.

That night I looked through
black and white picture books
and tried to remember the color of his eyes
but I couldn't no matter how hard I tried
I walked through city streets to clear my head
and ran into an old man who
for 20 bucks and a handle of vodka
sold me my heart wrapped in a box of grey
I felt cheated as I walked away.

But I dreamt that night of colors.
tangerine walls and crimson suns and
water a sparkly blue.
Green eyes.
And decided that If he ever came back
I'd let him stay
and we'd say all the things we shouldn't say
That we tried but couldn't say
If he ever came back
I'd fix His button.
I'd do it for free.