Bliss-rant

I'm buried beneath piles of work, and I do not care. I sleep with my window shades wide open, the hazy upstate new york night sky attempting to bleach my room with greys and whites, and failing miserably, colliding with its own reflection on the glass. We sit beneath a tent of blankets, telling stories of far away lands and times already past. I can't remember ever feeling so like myself. I wake up with a different language resting on my tongue, images of sunlit streets and vibrant colors that just don't exist in upstate new york- I wake with all these ghosts that you bring back to haunt me, but the intense feeling of longing is gone. So often I see myself the way others see me, but you- you must not distort me at all because when I'm with you, I'm just myself. There's no act, no censuring of my words- I always edit myself, but with you my actions run free. I don't even try anymore, just let the world guide me. Thanks to you, I've found a newborn faith in people, in love that isn't always passionate, but more caring. I feel this sense of happiness, but am afraid of it all being inside my head, that if I did break free and did disclose the one haunting shadow I've fought for so long, you'd reject me. And there's an element of mistrust on my end too. Are you still in love? There's nothing worse than picking up the pieces someone else left behind. Do you remember how? If you let me I will teach you, just as you unknowingly taught me. The only thing we have in life is each other, not just you and me but everyone else too. If we are all equals, we should all care for one another as such. I am sick and exhausted but I will stay up all night writing empty lines of psychology thesis, just to appear productive, but it doesn't even matter anymore. I'd do it for you too. I don't know how to thank you. I want to tell you that I'm ready for my heart to be broken again. I want you to be the one to break it.