Excerpts from a "Dear John" letter sent in June
...There are few people in this world when you look into their eyes, you see something looking back at you. You were one of those people...
...I often think back on our time together with fondess, remembering tiny moments like sound clippings of the world's best song, phrases that would make even the toughest critic choke up...
(...the time we climbed up on your roof and decided to watch the sun rise. We climbed the stairs, arms awkwardly full of blankets and pillows, you brought a bottle of that sangria we made the night before. And how we fell asleep, hand in hand before the first pink rays of light bled above the rocky skyline, baptized by dawns first kiss....)
...I don't know if they ever really happened. I want so badly to believe in the truth of my memory. There's a famous graffiti artist in New York City called De La Vega who is known for writing little phrases in obscure places that make you stop and think. One of these phrases is: A man stuck between two women will end up with neither. This is where we are now. That is what you have become...
...You lied and now I don't even know what to believe, or what to make of our time together. All those moments burned into my memory with smoldering ink, you say they were real, but I don't know if I can believe you. Perhaps I created them all...
(...We drove to the edge of the world and you got out of the car without saying a word and walked to the cliff and sat and stared at the water. And after what seemed like an eternity I gathered enough courage to follow you.And I asked you what you were thinking about, and you said nothing. everything. nothing at all... )
...And so we're back to the question that I constantly asked you and you apparently never answered truthfully: What were you thinking? What were you thinking when you met me? When you kissed me and convinced me you were different? When you looked at me that way? What were you thinking?...
(...We took a roadtrip across the country because we couldn't afford the next month's rent. You took pictures of the landscape with your camera while you were driving and I was afraid we were going to crash. And how you made me pull into that random gas station because even though we were in the middle of nowhere, you wanted to have a picture of the windmills on the hill in front of us, and that gas station had the perfect angle. You said the world was too beautiful to forget...)
...I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I fell for someone who wasn't mine, who could never be rightfully mine. I think I'm ok with that. We were just a girl and a boy whose lives intersected for a brief moment. I only wish I could figure out which part of that moment was real, which part you made up and which part I wanted to believe so badly to be true...
...You don't owe me anything. Don't say that you're hurt too. Be happy with what you've given yourself. I hope you're happy with who you are, where you are in your life, and everything you have. Be happy with what you've got, it's all you've got.
-J
...I often think back on our time together with fondess, remembering tiny moments like sound clippings of the world's best song, phrases that would make even the toughest critic choke up...
(...the time we climbed up on your roof and decided to watch the sun rise. We climbed the stairs, arms awkwardly full of blankets and pillows, you brought a bottle of that sangria we made the night before. And how we fell asleep, hand in hand before the first pink rays of light bled above the rocky skyline, baptized by dawns first kiss....)
...I don't know if they ever really happened. I want so badly to believe in the truth of my memory. There's a famous graffiti artist in New York City called De La Vega who is known for writing little phrases in obscure places that make you stop and think. One of these phrases is: A man stuck between two women will end up with neither. This is where we are now. That is what you have become...
...You lied and now I don't even know what to believe, or what to make of our time together. All those moments burned into my memory with smoldering ink, you say they were real, but I don't know if I can believe you. Perhaps I created them all...
(...We drove to the edge of the world and you got out of the car without saying a word and walked to the cliff and sat and stared at the water. And after what seemed like an eternity I gathered enough courage to follow you.And I asked you what you were thinking about, and you said nothing. everything. nothing at all... )
...And so we're back to the question that I constantly asked you and you apparently never answered truthfully: What were you thinking? What were you thinking when you met me? When you kissed me and convinced me you were different? When you looked at me that way? What were you thinking?...
(...We took a roadtrip across the country because we couldn't afford the next month's rent. You took pictures of the landscape with your camera while you were driving and I was afraid we were going to crash. And how you made me pull into that random gas station because even though we were in the middle of nowhere, you wanted to have a picture of the windmills on the hill in front of us, and that gas station had the perfect angle. You said the world was too beautiful to forget...)
...I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I fell for someone who wasn't mine, who could never be rightfully mine. I think I'm ok with that. We were just a girl and a boy whose lives intersected for a brief moment. I only wish I could figure out which part of that moment was real, which part you made up and which part I wanted to believe so badly to be true...
...You don't owe me anything. Don't say that you're hurt too. Be happy with what you've given yourself. I hope you're happy with who you are, where you are in your life, and everything you have. Be happy with what you've got, it's all you've got.
-J
posted by Jessica @ 8:53 PM
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