World Tour? Or maybe...
So I heard back from the Watson fellowship today. As is everything in my life lately, it's not a no, but it's not a yes either. I have to wait another month or so to see if my plans for meeting kickass slam poets worldwide will actually be realized. I think the universe is playing tricks on me. I guess I will be paid back when the time is right. Or maybe not.
Talked to my dear Sara today, who sounds blissfully happy as she is about to embark on a road trip with a certain someone. Ahhh, how adorable. Talking to people who i've met through adventure always has this way of making me feel a bit more alive. It's good to remember there's life outside of college, and that there are some absolutely incredible people in this world.
So I'm thinking New Zealand. There's this program, BUNAC, that I think I might go through to get a year long work permit in New Zealand for next year. I've never been there, I've heard wonderful things, and besides, it's literally on the other side of the planet, so I'll be as far away from everyone I know as possible. Excellent.
Another option I've been thinking about is Ireland. It's through the same program, but the work permit is only for 4 months. I imagine i can find a way to extend it if I want to. Ireland isn't so far from everyone, and that way if I get the random need to visit some Hamiltonians abroad, I know a handful that will be in Europe, and even a few in my beloved city, Granada.
I don't know if I could ever go back to Granada. It will be different, completely, I'm sure. But maybe if I gather some of my friends we could return together, and create a new adventure story. It's definitely on my list of places where I must live before I reach age 40. Maybe I need more time... or less time... I don't know which one it is.
It's so strange being home. I'm glad to be away from everyone at Hamilton, this has been one hell of of a month. And I'm starting to wonder if things will ever get better. I don't want to think upon my experiences at college negatively, I've had some absolutely wonderful moments with people. But perhaps it's painfully true that familiarity breeds contempt. Why have I had a different group of friends every semester for the past 4 years? Why can I still not find my little niche, a tiny spot for me to just sit and be and feel welcome always? Do those people and places really exist? Or does it just seem like everyone else has one, when infact we're all just bouncing around aimlessly, too self absorbed to notice that everone else is going through the exact same thing?Even in moments of what seems like god-sent clarity, i still have this plaguing feeling of loneliness, a strange aching within me to be somewhere else.
My childhood best friend is getting married. What is that, like 4 people now who are getting married? I fell out of touch with her a long time ago, but I saw the wedding invitation in the mail. It was addressed to my parents. Truthfully I dont even know if I would be here for it anyway. I can't believe so many of my friends are getting married. I can't believe I'm that old already.
But I digress. There's always Denmark, Italy, France, Northern Spain... I've got friends in so many places, and I'd love to see them all again. So many wonderful places in the world that it's hard to believe people go for their entire lives without leaving their hometown, or their state. There's always a comfort in returning to Pennsylvania, a deep unspoken understanding with the people here, like the old woman at the farmers market who smiled at me, as if she knew all about me. Or the doctors and nurses who know my entire life story. Sure, pennsylvania is incredible. It is home. And at the same time I feel like there's nothing left for me here, like it's time for me to pack up and go, a gentle nudge into the future.
Talked to my dear Sara today, who sounds blissfully happy as she is about to embark on a road trip with a certain someone. Ahhh, how adorable. Talking to people who i've met through adventure always has this way of making me feel a bit more alive. It's good to remember there's life outside of college, and that there are some absolutely incredible people in this world.
So I'm thinking New Zealand. There's this program, BUNAC, that I think I might go through to get a year long work permit in New Zealand for next year. I've never been there, I've heard wonderful things, and besides, it's literally on the other side of the planet, so I'll be as far away from everyone I know as possible. Excellent.
Another option I've been thinking about is Ireland. It's through the same program, but the work permit is only for 4 months. I imagine i can find a way to extend it if I want to. Ireland isn't so far from everyone, and that way if I get the random need to visit some Hamiltonians abroad, I know a handful that will be in Europe, and even a few in my beloved city, Granada.
I don't know if I could ever go back to Granada. It will be different, completely, I'm sure. But maybe if I gather some of my friends we could return together, and create a new adventure story. It's definitely on my list of places where I must live before I reach age 40. Maybe I need more time... or less time... I don't know which one it is.
It's so strange being home. I'm glad to be away from everyone at Hamilton, this has been one hell of of a month. And I'm starting to wonder if things will ever get better. I don't want to think upon my experiences at college negatively, I've had some absolutely wonderful moments with people. But perhaps it's painfully true that familiarity breeds contempt. Why have I had a different group of friends every semester for the past 4 years? Why can I still not find my little niche, a tiny spot for me to just sit and be and feel welcome always? Do those people and places really exist? Or does it just seem like everyone else has one, when infact we're all just bouncing around aimlessly, too self absorbed to notice that everone else is going through the exact same thing?Even in moments of what seems like god-sent clarity, i still have this plaguing feeling of loneliness, a strange aching within me to be somewhere else.
My childhood best friend is getting married. What is that, like 4 people now who are getting married? I fell out of touch with her a long time ago, but I saw the wedding invitation in the mail. It was addressed to my parents. Truthfully I dont even know if I would be here for it anyway. I can't believe so many of my friends are getting married. I can't believe I'm that old already.
But I digress. There's always Denmark, Italy, France, Northern Spain... I've got friends in so many places, and I'd love to see them all again. So many wonderful places in the world that it's hard to believe people go for their entire lives without leaving their hometown, or their state. There's always a comfort in returning to Pennsylvania, a deep unspoken understanding with the people here, like the old woman at the farmers market who smiled at me, as if she knew all about me. Or the doctors and nurses who know my entire life story. Sure, pennsylvania is incredible. It is home. And at the same time I feel like there's nothing left for me here, like it's time for me to pack up and go, a gentle nudge into the future.
posted by Jessica @ 12:09 PM
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