carino de la manana

Woke up to absolute silence and dry heat. Outside my window and all around me still frozen in dreams, I roll over and smile. The tree outside my window is the most beautiful shade of green. What do you call that color? And when the sun attempts to break through the billowy clouds, it draws out highlights of orange. Call it a synesthetic craving, but I miss colors you can taste. This tree is pretty close to that. Not bad for upstate new york. I used to laugh at people who would write poetry about trees. I can't help it now, I'm seeing the world in verse again.

I'm understanding that life works in cycles, that all good has a bit of bad to follow. I've been feeling so many mixed emotions lately that I don't know which way is up, or what is good or bad anymore. I know what I want, and sometimes I get it. And when I don't I just let it flow through my hands. The emptiness of disappointment which tends to break us down can just be filled with love. Whatever pain is in my future, (and it could be a lot of things, things I can't talk about on here, but those of you who know me well enough can guess the big one), I hope that it can be mended and filled with love of some kind, hopefully before it's too late.

Think of ourselves as riverbeds- the water is love. It carves into us, it changes us and our direction. and in times of draught, it leaves us empty. But it leaves us empty so that we can be refilled someday. There is, however, a difference between the human heart and a riverbed- we can make it rain.